Triple-Filter Test: Stop Gossip Before It Stop You

According to wikipedia, gossip is define as an idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others; the act of is also known as dishing or tattling.

It can also be describe as unconstrained and often derogatory conversation about other people, and can involve betraying a confidence and spreading sensitive information or hurtful judgments.

From personal research, i found out that people who gossip the most have very high levels of anxiety. They are generally not particularly popular because they cannot be trusted.

Some people might try to defend gossiping by saying that its the result of boredom but this is incorrect. The truth is that boredom will lead to gossiping if the person is weak, frustrated, feeling inferior, lacking confidence or jealous.

The person who is laughing out loud, capturing the attention of everyone in the room while gossiping about someone is not as happy as he seems.

From the outside he seems strong, popular, interesting and in control but if you peaked inside his mind at the time he was gossiping you would have found things that you would have never expected to find.

You would have found low self esteem,jealousy,frustration,anger and weakness.

People who judge others, who try to put them down or who gossip sometimes have the goal of making themselves appear more worthy. What does a phrase like: "Did you see that guy,
he can’t even do anything right" mean?

It means, "Did you see that guy? He is nothing compared to me, I can do everything right while he can’t, i am worthy!!"

Sadly when people feel less worthy than others or when they feel inferior they start gossiping about others in order to feel good about themselves. After all if everyone become incompetent then surely they will become better than them all!

Sometimes the main reason behind gossiping is jealousy. When someone feels jealous of someone else he might gossip about him in order to let people hate him.

Sadly jealousy stems from lack of self confidence and gossiping about someone because you are jealous of him only means that you need to fix your self confidence.


The one bilion question is, Why do people gossip? People gossip for the following reasons below;

1.To feel superior
  People who don’t feel good about themselves temporarily feel better when they judge   others negatively.

2. Out of boredom
   When people can’t generate interesting discussions based on knowledge or ideas, gossip    can rouse people’s interest.

3. Out of envy
   People gossip in order to hurt those whose popularity, talents, or lifestyle they envy.

4. To feel like part of a group
   People gossip to feel as though they belong to the group. Yet, when acceptance is based    on being “in on a secret,” it is not based on a person’s identity, but on exclusion or    maliciousness.

5. For attention
   A person gets to be the center of attention temporarily while divulging a piece of    gossip. Yet, spreading gossip or rumors is like buying attention; it’s temporary and    has little foundation.

6. Out of anger or unhappiness
   A person can derive a sense of retribution with disparaging remarks.


I hate gossip and have since i was an adoslescent. i am observer by nature, try to be nice person to everyone and keep a clear conscience. I avoid speaking behind peope backs at all times whether i like them or not.

That bring me to the part where i talk about how to tackle gossip, how to discourage a gossip friend or find yourself in the mist of such group.

Several months back, i stumbled on Socrates narative about an experience he had with a friend who visited him to gossip about someone else. He asked this friend of his, three basic questions and i called that the Triple-Filter Text. I've been using this ever since and the result is tremendous. People who gossip stay away from me because i dont give them the avenue to strive.

So here we go;

1. Filter of Truth: So here, a friend came to you and he/she was about to say something to you about someone, then you pose this question' 'are you absolutely sure that what you about to tell me is true'?.

2. Filter of Goodness: Well, at this point if his/her response is negative,which might be so, then you can bombard him/her with the next question, "is what you about to tell me about my friend something good"?

3. Filter of Usefulness: At this stage, the gossiper knows you are not in the mood and what he/she is about to tell will not be of good to you. At this point, you bring to his/her attention the final question, 'Is what you about to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me'?

If someone wants to tell you something that is neither true, no good, not even useful, why is it telling to you at all.

Let's remember, great men discuss idea, average mind discuss event, small mind discuss people.

If you still gossip then its time to stop, be strong.